A weak answer to UCAS Question 1, marked up and rewritten, with the reasoning shown at each step. The example is invented rather than a real applicant's work. Do not reuse the text: UCAS runs every statement through Copycatch, which compares it against statements collected from websites.
A weak answer, edited, with the reasoning shown
This is what we actually do, done in public. Below is a first draft of UCAS Question 1, why do you want to study this course or subject?, the kind I see constantly. Then the same answer marked up, then rewritten.
The example is invented, not a real applicant's work. I do not publish anything students send me.
Do not reuse any of this text in your own statement. UCAS runs every submitted statement through Copycatch, which compares it against previously submitted statements and against sample statements collected from websites, including this one. Similarity of 30% or more is referred for review, and your universities are told.
The rewrite below works precisely because it could only have been written by the person who did that work. Copying it would remove the only thing making it good, and flag you as well.
The first draft
I have always been fascinated by economics. Ever since I was young, I have been interested in how the world works and why some countries are rich and others are poor. Economics is a subject that combines mathematics with real world issues, which I find very interesting. I am a hard-working and dedicated student and I believe I would be a great asset to your university. Studying economics would allow me to pursue my passion and achieve my career goals in finance.
468 characters. Nothing in it is wrong. Almost none of it is doing any work.
What is wrong with it
1. "I have always been fascinated by economics." Everyone applying writes a version of this sentence. It cannot be checked, it cannot be false, and so it carries no information. The strongest opening is a specific fact only you could write.
2. "Ever since I was young." Four words spent locating an interest in unspecified childhood. Delete.
3. "why some countries are rich and others are poor." This is the only real thing in the paragraph. It is a genuine question in development economics, and it is the one place where the draft nearly says something. The rewrite is built almost entirely out of this sentence.
4. "combines mathematics with real world issues." This describes economics to people who teach economics. Any sentence that would still be true if a different applicant wrote it is not earning its space.
5. "I am a hard-working and dedicated student." An assertion with no evidence. Question 2 is where preparation is evidenced; here it is off-question as well as unsupported.
6. "a great asset to your university." This one is actively damaging. Your statement goes to all five choices. Four readers see you addressing somewhere else. Never name or address a single university.
7. "pursue my passion and achieve my career goals in finance." Two problems. "Passion" restates the opening without adding anything. And a stated goal in finance sits oddly under a question about wanting to study economics. They are not the same interest, and the mismatch invites doubt.
The rewrite
I wanted to know why Lithuania's GDP per capita tripled between 2000 and 2020 while Bulgaria's, from a similar starting point, did not. I expected the answer to be foreign investment. Reading Acemoglu and Robinson pushed me toward institutions instead, and I spent a term testing that idea against World Bank indicators for both countries in my extended essay. My regression was crude and the result was weaker than I expected, which taught me more than a clean answer would have. I want to study economics because I now know the tools I was reaching for exist, and I do not yet have them.
581 characters.
Why the rewrite works
It opens with something only this applicant could write. A specific comparison, specific years. No other statement in the pile begins this way.
It shows the interest instead of asserting it. Nobody says "fascinated." They spent a term on it, which is the evidence that word was standing in for.
It admits a wrong expectation. "I expected foreign investment" and the disappointing result do more for credibility than any claim of dedication. It reads like someone who has actually done the thing, because those are the details you only have if you did.
It names its limitations. "My regression was crude" is a risk that pays. It signals someone who knows what rigour would look like, which is precisely the disposition an economics department is selecting for.
It ends on a reason to study rather than a career. "I do not yet have them" answers the question that was actually asked: why do you want to study this.
The single highest-leverage change
Sentence 3 of the draft was kept and everything else was thrown away.
That is usually how this goes. Most first drafts contain one real thing surrounded by material the applicant wrote because they thought it was expected. Editing is mostly finding the real thing and giving it the whole space.
This is also why we do not write statements for applicants. The Lithuania and Bulgaria comparison had to come from the person who was curious about it. What an editor can do is notice it was there, and clear away the rest.
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